I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
