Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i now understand why vodka
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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