It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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