Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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