yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
