You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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