he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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