im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
