Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
