We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Come share oat with me in your robe
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
