She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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