Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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