ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
