I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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