put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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