"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
