Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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