I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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