Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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