i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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