Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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