My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
