I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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