Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
