the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well you can't waste a boner
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
