I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We left an ass print on the piano.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
