She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We need to rekindle our bromance
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
