Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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