Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
