i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
