I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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