My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
