what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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