he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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