What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
