I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
