Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it's like iHOP with fire
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
