Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
