So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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