too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
