I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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