im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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