I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
