we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
