I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
