yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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