I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
