i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
