I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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