On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
