So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
