best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
