I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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