You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
